Honey, your December noir horoscope is here …

Brad Pitt turns 49 on Dec. 18.

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your December is full of expensive champagne, exquisite gifts and elegant entrances to parties. And happy birthday, Sagittarius and Capricorn! A special shout-out to Sag stars Julianne Moore (Dec. 3), Kim Basinger (Dec. 8), Brad Pitt (Dec. 18) Julie Delpy (Dec. 21) and Vanessa Paradis (Dec. 22); and super-sexy Caps, the late Ava Gardner (Dec. 24), Sienna Miller (Dec. 28) and Marianne Faithfull (Dec. 29).

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22): Possibility abounds now and in the New Year. Don’t concern yourself with what’s realistic, feasible or practical. There will be plenty of time for thorough scrutiny later on but, at this juncture, dream big and think boldly. It will come together one piece at a time. On the romantic front, you may be tempted by a coy boy; enjoy the dalliance without rushing into anything. If attached, celebrate your passion, hell, get creative. The holiday-party circuit will keep you extra busy and may open new doors.

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): As usual, hard work often pays off for Capricorns. Diligent portion control followed by triumphant shopping these last few weeks has been well worth the effort. You are being noticed even more than usual so try to be fair and carve out a little time for the slew of people wanting to socialize. That said, it’s a woman’s prerogative to change her mind. Remember that mid-month when you feel bound to do something simply because of a crossed conversational wire. A brilliant idea occurs to you around the 8th.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19): Why does everyone say “high maintenance” like it’s a bad thing? Striving for perfection has its place. Don’t lower your lofty standards but remember to cut yourself and others some slack now and then. You rarely act on a whim (except when shoes, jeans, boots, sweaters, purses, scarves, bracelets, fur vests, little black dresses and anything from Anne Fontaine are involved) preferring instead to do your homework and make informed decisions. By-the-book types with no imagination may envy your visionary approach to enjoying life. Let them.

Sienna Miller will be 31 on Dec. 28.

Pisces (February 20-March 20): There is a French proverb that says, “Fortune is a woman; if you neglect her today, do not expect to regain her tomorrow.” In other words, find time to nurture your nest egg, even if it feels like a chore. Toward the end of the month, you may receive a flurry of compliments so when someone tells you for 697th time that you’re amazing, do try not to yawn. The 21st is a great day to be spontaneous.

Aries (March 21-April 20): Appreciate life’s simple pleasures – a flawless manicure, a dress on sale, an alibi that sticks. Make the most of every day and treat yourself to something fabulous for a holiday party. And consider hosting a vintage cocktail party yourself. True, it would be nice to dust a bit and polish the silver but, let’s face it, you’ll enjoy the party even more if you prepare by sleeping in late, having breakfast in bed and getting a massage and a pedicure.

Taurus (April 21-May 21): According to Vogue’s Book of Etiquette, 1948, which provides advice on tipping cigarette girls in nightclubs (10-15 cents), traveling in a Pullman car, and saying good evening at a dance, the word escort “should not be used instead of “The man I was dining with” or, “The man who had taken me to the theater.” While this little tidbit will more than likely land in your mental file on useless information, try this month to resist putting labels on any budding relationships. Keep things a bit mysterious and you will be rewarded by magic. Stand your ground on the 30th. [Read more…]

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Honey, your October noir horoscope is here

Actress Carole Lombard died in a plane crash in 1942. She was 33.

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your October is full of frighteningly good times. And happy birthday, Libra and Scorpio! A special shout-out and remembrances to A-list Libras Clive Owen (Oct. 3), Kate Winslet (Oct. 5), Carole Lombard (Oct. 6), Rachel McAdams (Oct. 7), Elmore Leonard (Oct. 11), Rita Hayworth (Oct. 17), Viggo Mortensen (Oct. 20), Catherine Deneuve (Oct. 22) and mighty Scorpios Julia Roberts (Oct. 28) and Truman Capote and Louis Malle (both Oct. 30).

Libra (September 24-October 23): You will gain strength and confidence, making you even more irresistible than usual. Be ready for heady romance midmonth and perhaps some terrific birthday surprises. If your b’day has passed and you acquired some good loot, try going back in time and writing a letter, you know, a penned missive that you drop in the post. Make decadence a priority at least once a week.

Scorpio (October 24-November 22): An investment pays off in a surprising way, which is especially lovely if you happen to be celebrating your birthday. It’s good to be a material girl, no? The world of money and finance can be navigated, just stick with it, even if it’s not your cup of tea. A friend may approach with an idea for a shared adventure or a great Halloween costume. Prepare for excitement! On the work front, be daring, especially on 8th – you may be on the cusp of a major innovation.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22): “The ones that say they don’t want anything always get more in the end,” says Ann Newton, the little girl in “Shadow of a Doubt” from 1943. In 2012, though, that’s rarely the case. More often than not, if you don’t speak up, you won’t get. So be vocal and, at work, have a good case for why you deserve what you’re asking for. On the romantic front, let yourself be wicked – as often as possible!

Clive Owen turns 48 on Oct. 3. Another round on me. Marc Horn photo.

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): Though it is your nature to give freely, remember that not everyone is wired that way so if an offer comes your way midmonth, be sure to examine whether there are strings attached that might not be apparent at first glance. On the 21st, surrender to pleasure. And on the 31st, calories don’t count, so grab yourself a goody bag or 12 and dig in. Diets be damned!

Aquarius (January 21-February 19): A fiendish impulse overtakes you on the 6th. By all means, follow it! Then, in honor of Halloween, invite a few of your friends over so you can lead them astray. Pour some Chianti, watch “The Silence of the Lambs” and gorge on candy. At work, remember that overnight sensations are few and far between. More often, major success is the result of patience and perseverance. Whatever you do, don’t give up! The 12th and 21st will be lucky days.

Pisces (February 20-March 20): A bothersome situation calls for decisive action. Brandish a big old kitchen knife, boss anyone who gets in your way and feel the power! You’re good at being in charge, it’s a gift that should be cherished, not hidden. Then get your aggressions out on a hapless pumpkin. You may hit a rough patch with someone in your inner circle, perhaps a lover or Sig Oth. Don’t rush through this or look for a quick fix – it will, in the end, bring you closer. Definitely choose trick if given a choice.

Matt Damon turns 42 this year. His birthday is Oct. 8.

Aries (March 21-April 20): “I lied. I felt like lying so I did,” says Joan Crawford (an Aries) ever so nonchalantly in “Possessed” from 1947. What harm can a few little white ones do? You can always reform on Nov. 1. And of course always, no matter what the date, do only what you feel like doing. If by some strange chance, you are afflicted with notions of goodness, kindness or altruism, rest assured that a long overdue visit with a close friend and fellow femme fatale will ground you right where you belong – on the deliciously dark side.

Taurus (April 21-May 21): As Halloween approaches, Destiny is on your doorstep. There’s really not much you can do, so why fight it? Instead, invite Fate in, mix some martinis, try to make small talk. True, you may be screwed but if that’s the case, there are bound to be some fun fireworks first. And more than likely Fate has bigger and better plans for you – like a slew of good luck and winning the lottery. You should probably start packing for the south of France as soon as you finish your yummy cocktail. The weekend of the 12th may be memorably romantic.

Gemini (May 22-June 21): “I don’t play monsters. I play men besieged by fate and out for revenge,” said the inimitable Vincent Price (May 27, 1911 – Oct. 25, 1993). As you ponder whether is revenge really worth it, you may come to the considered conclusion, “Hell, yes!” Of course, there is something to be said for that living well theory, especially if it involves an elegant dinner or perhaps a shopping binge. Your calendar suddenly fills up very quickly so trust that you will have somewhere to wear that new LBD.

Ryan Reynolds (newly married to Blake Lively) will be 36 on Oct. 23.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Having trouble choosing a costume? Choose the one that’s most daring and shows off your best features. Then find ways to wear it more than once and why rule out the gym, yoga studio or grocery store? People take life entirely too seriously. Make it your goal to mix it up this month and vary your routine, especially when it comes to your love life. Your curiosity and sensitivity serve you well on the 18th but remember to weigh options carefully.

Leo (July 24-August 23): You may encounter sudden resistance or abrupt withdrawal from a contributor to a project. Frankly, it’s rather shocking for you. So, you fret: Did I say the wrong thing? Was page 47 of my report slightly creased? Was it wrong to wear fish-nets and thigh-high boots to our last meeting? No, no and no! Unless of course the fish-nets were drafty and you caught a chill. Don’t overthink this or take it personally. The project will go on and may even improve as a result of this development. And good God, if all that stress doesn’t justify a little romantic fling, I don’t know what does.

Virgo (August 24-September 23): Feeling overwhelmed? Well, no one ever said that treachery, entrapment and general bad-girlness wasn’t a major time-suck. Hair and makeup alone consume precious slots in your schedule. Make a master list of everything you’d like to accomplish, prioritize, set deadlines and don’t look back! If you can’t get to everything or have to knock a few items off the list, don’t feel guilty. Better to complete a few really flawless seductions than to fritter your energy away on endless flirtations. But rest assured you will be irresistible when you decide to turn on the charm. On the 7th, there may be extra cash in your pocket.

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Honey, your September noir horoscope is here

Sophia Loren was born on Sept. 20, 1934.

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your September is full of intriguing possibilities and sublime pleasures. And happy birthday, Virgo and Libra! A special shout-out and remembrances to alluring Virgos Yvonne De Carlo (Sept. 1), Salma Hayek (Sept. 2), Evan Rachel Wood (Sept. 7), Brian De Palma (Sept. 11), Tommy Lee Jones and Oliver Stone (both Sept. 15), Lauren Bacall (Sept. 16) and Sophia Loren (Sept. 20) and exquisitely talented Libras F. Scott Fitzgerald (Sept. 24), William Faulkner, Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones (all Sept. 25), Gwyneth Paltrow (Sept. 27), Naomi Watts (Sept. 28) and Lizabeth Scott (Sept. 29).

Virgo (August 24-September 23): With a birthday nigh (or just celebrated) you may be planning a shopping trip or two. If Man Du Jour wants to come along, that’s not a bad idea. You don’t want your arms to get all red and sore from carrying bags or your feet to get tired from multiple trips to the car. When perusing the racks, remember what Virgo icon Sophia Loren (Sept. 20, 1934) said: “A woman’s dress should be like a barbed wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.” At work, your precision pays off. At play, romance comes to the fore. Enjoy!

Libra (September 24-October 23): Make the most of your birthday this year – so you don’t like the number, what’s the alternative?! In fact, milk the occasion for all its worth (the more celebrations the better) and let your fam and friends spoil you day after day. If anyone accuses you of egomania this month, deign to explain that everyone is entitled to be spoiled once in a while and that you are more than happy to return the favor. Then let your ever-present generosity take its course. Be prepared to act as a teacher or guide on the 9th.

Scorpio Viggo Mortensen was born Oct. 20, 1958.

Scorpio (October 24-November 22): A difficult situation resolves itself and you feel a sense of freedom. Remember that in the present moment, everything is perfect. Your positive energy has a healing effect on someone close to you. Midmonth, you will find clarity regarding a decision you’ve been struggling with. Trust that it’s meant to be – there’s no second-guessing Fate in Noirville, you know. Love is in the air, or should I say shadows, on the 14th and 23rd.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22): Be grateful that you can charm people without even lifting a finger – not everyone has this unique ability. Charm will be mighty handy as you re-establish contact with a person from your past or, more challenging, commune with who you were in the past. Judge not, lest ye be judged. 😉 Think about where you were, the progress you’ve made and what’s next. Then, clear your palate and get back to the dark side by popping in a Fritz Lang film noir: Let the fatalism begin!

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): Pout if you feel like it. It’s entirely possible that you have grounds to be annoyed with a person or situation. Remember though that anger often gives us a false sense of power. That said, if you do need to clear the air, do it sooner rather than later. Then, put your feet up; that was bloody exhausting! Treat yourself to a few new clothes or a gorgeous lip color. You will be going out on the town. Well, duh.

Christian Bale turned 38 on Jan. 30, 2012.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19): It’s time to make a bold move. Life is short and the police might be tailing you. So, take a plunge, take the money and run, or take the ultimate dare and wear fire-engine red and fishnets at 8 a.m. Whatever the action, it’s likely something you’ve been wanting to do for a while. A long shot suddenly seems eminently viable. If your lover keeps you happy, be sure to let him know. Your contentment may inspire a friend to re-enter the dating world.

Pisces (February 20-March 20): Take a little risk and you will reap benefits. More than likely, you may need some time to yourself this month to decompress. Make sure you have your getaway route all mapped out. And guilt? Oh honey, that’s something we femmes fatales just don’t give in to. Toward the end of the month, you find a way to deal with a tyrant. As you add a few pieces to your fall wardrobe, be prepared for a flurry of compliments and extra attention.

Aries (March 21-April 20): Think small this month – remember that little words, gestures and acts have great power. On the 12th, you may feel the urge to rant or raise your voice at a lazy accomplice or errant admirer but that will likely lead to a stalemate. See if there’s a way to make your point without getting riled and keep this person squarely on your little finger. At work, stand your ground, even as your professionalism is lauded and your ability praised.

Johnny Depp = Gemini cool. His b'day: June 9, 1963.

Taurus (April 21-May 21): Your steadfast determination always gets rave results. If you hit a wall on a project this month, try to pause and reassess without stressing. Create a place of calm and you will replace frustration with inspiration. You will experience a breakthrough in communication with Man Du Jour. Be sure to keep your lips soft and kissable, you’ll be busy on that front. Let your intuition guide you, especially on the 6th and 16th.

Gemini (May 22-June 21): According to Vogue’s Book of Etiquette, 1948, the word “valise” should not be used instead of “bag” or “luggage” or “suitcase” because it is an unnecessary Gallicism. An unnecessary Gallicism? Heavens above, how perfectly frightful! Well, hair-splitting aside, you have need for a stylish tote as travel beckons. Whether for work or pleasure, it will likely bring a fresh new perspective. And don’t rule out the possibility of meeting a mysterious stranger along the way. Midmonth, you will claim an unlikely triumph.

A classic Leo, Sir Michael is happy to be in the spotlight. See how he finagled his way onto this page? Mick Jagger was born July 26, 1943.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): They say all that glitters is not gold, but silver and platinum will do fine too. This is a great time to focus on your prosperity – find a way to cut expenses, generate more revenue, ask for a raise or look into being a kept woman. 😉 Your passion and intensity make others look to you for leadership. Be fair to all parties as you juggle various interests. Your favorite man may surprise you before month’s end.

Leo (July 24-August 23): You will feel especially powerful this month as you easily connect and hit it off with nearly everyone you encounter. Celebrate your magnetism and relish your independence. A rivalry finally subsides and a friendship follows. At work, remember to provide a pat on the back to a colleague; it will be appreciated. Men are like putty in your hands. Well, what else is new?

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Honey, your August noir horoscope is here …

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your August is full of spicy mystery and sultry sideways glances. And happy birthday, Leo and Virgo! A special shout-out and remembrances to legendary Leos John Huston (Aug. 5), Lucille Ball and Robert Mitchum (both Aug. 6), Alfred Hitchcock (Aug. 13), Alma Hitchcock (Aug. 14), Ann Blyth (Aug. 16), Robert DeNiro and Sean Penn (both Aug. 17), Coco Chanel Aug. 19, and one-of-a-kind Virgos Elliott Gould and Ingrid Bergman (both Aug. 29).

Lucille Ball: Aug. 6, 1911 – April 26, 1989

Leo (July 24-August 23): In anticipation of your birthday – perhaps a milestone – you’ve been assessing, analyzing and reflecting. Now it’s time to just be. Oh, and open presents, eat cake and drink champagne. If you’re worried about getting older, reinvest that energy into something productive. As the comedy genius Lucille Ball put it: “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.” Toward the end of the month, you’ll gain clarity about your career direction.

Virgo (August 24-September 23): There are certain inalienable rights of the femme fatale: sleeping in, owning too much lip gloss and refusing to diet. Stand your ground if someone in your inner circle disagrees with your stance on these issues. Besides, with your knack for diplomacy and tact, you’ll soon be preaching to the converted. Meanwhile, prepare to pace yourself as birthday-party invites pop up. You’ll be much in demand. Make time to savor summer pleasures – as a result, romance may find you. Choose your battles on the 25th.

Libra (September 24-October 23): You may feel that you’re butting your head against the wall on the career front as a project drags on or a job-search seems to stall. “Why isn’t Easy Street showing up on my GPS?” you ask. Here’s why: Things usually come to you so effortlessly that it’s a bit of a shock to realize you may need to hunker down and persevere to attain your goal. Horrid-sounding, I know. Don’t fret, though, it won’t come to the point of actually getting your hands dirty and chipping your nail polish. Just go with the flow. And, as a happy distraction, your love life heats up, especially midmonth.

Robert Mitchum: Aug. 6, 1917 – July 1, 1997

Scorpio (October 24-November 22): A chance meeting spurs you to take action on an important issue. (Of course, in noir, is anything really left to chance?) You will make the best choice possible. Your flair for stylish living comes in handy when a friend has wonderful news to celebrate – perhaps an old-school Hollywood soirée is in order? Even more than usual, you will be admired and adored on the weekend of the 20th. Make a point of managing expectations at work.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22): According to Vogue’s Book of Etiquette, 1948, “It has been estimated that young girls, no matter how seriously they have been working, spend at least half their free time thinking about men. And how right they are! A job may not last a lifetime, but it is always to be hoped that a marriage will. What could be more important or more worthy of the deepest concentration?” So, go on, give in to romance and dwell on passion this month. Obsess all you want to about the object of your affection. Live in the moment and don’t give a hoot about the future or the past.

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): You’ve had a lot on your mind this summer but difficulties and worries will start to dissolve around the 12th. This means you can cut yourself some slack; enjoy a few lazy days and languid nights. You can also focus on key priorities like looking good and letting yourself be admired. Meanwhile, helping a friend with a communications project brings welcome attention your way. Don’t do anything you don’t feel like doing on the 2nd, 7th, 11th, 14th, 17th, 20th, 21st … you get the idea.

Robert De Niro was born Aug. 17, 1943.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19): Calculating risks and then taking them are the first order of business this month. Could be something little, like revealing a detail of your past to a new friend or love interest. Or it could be something major, like planning a move to a new locale where no one knows your alias and your mugshot isn’t on file. Either way, change is good. Around the 12th, you may feel that you’re looking for a needle in a haystack. If so, get the hell out of the hay field, head for the city and get yourself a cocktail, pronto!

Pisces (February 20-March 20): You may be running hot and cold about a person in your life or a place where you spend a lot of time. To gain fresh perspective, make a getaway and spend some time alone: an extra-long massage, a day at a spa or a weekend retreat on bewitchment. We all need time to ponder, and more importantly primp, in solitude. You may get some exciting news on the work front and be asked to share your novel approach. A little mayhem isn’t a bad thing on the 13th – in fact it might help clear the air.

Aries (March 21-April 20): An intriguing mystery comes your way around the 14th. It may speak to your inner private detective but would searching for clues entail getting off the sofa or cutting down on the time you spend on catnaps? In other words, before you devote a ton of energy to a potential time-suck, assess what’s in it for you and whether it’s really worth your time. If you’re not into it, don’t feel guilty about turning down the job. Enjoy the power of saying no; it’s more than a little addictive. Your love life really heats up around the 8th and again at month’s end. Enjoy the power of saying yes; it’s more than a little amusing.

Ingrid Bergman: Aug. 29, 1915 – Aug. 30, 1982

Taurus (April 21-May 21): Polishing your résumé is always a good idea; you never know when the perfect job may pop up. Meanwhile, about that yearning to be your own boss: draft a business plan, even if it’s highly preliminary. Then devote a few hours each week to researching sources of funding. It may be a long journey but at least you’ve taken the first step. On the 8th, recognizing the absurdity of an ongoing situation brings fresh insight. Midmonth, some shameless flirting leads to a delicious little adventure.

Gemini (May 22-June 21): A request from a client or colleague that at first seems a chore in fact reveals one of your hidden talents. When you enjoy something, you rock results. Meanwhile, realize that while you are often quite content as a self-contained little island, it’s probably a good idea to reaching out to others and be the initiator on the social front. You live to be inquisitive, after all, so this will ensure you have plenty of people to pepper with questions. Let loose on the 6th and set the tone for the whole month. Shrug off self-doubt on the work front.

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Attention to detail. Striving for quality. Patience. Having an old-school attitude toward your work may sometimes make you feel like you’re going against the grain in an age where many people don’t seem to be able to read an entire text message. So what? The grain is highly overrated and your commitment to producing fine, thoughtful work will serve you well in the long run. Around midmonth, your Sig Oth may be getting on your nerves just a tad – perhaps he forgot to cut the crust off your sandwich or overbuttered your toast? Let it slide. It may take him a lifetime to learn how to wait on you properly.

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Honey, your July noir horoscope is here …

Leigh: July 6, 1927-Oct. 3, 2004

Stanwyck: July 16, 1907-Jan. 20, 1990

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your July is full of intriguing encounters and a festive Friday, the 13th. And happy birthday, Cancer and Leo!

A special shout-out and remembrances to captivating Cancers James M. Cain and Farley Granger (July 1), Eva Marie Saint (July 4), Janet Leigh (July 6) and Barbara Stanwyck (July 16), and lively Leos Helen Mirren, Sandra Bullock and Stanley Kubrick (July 26), Jackie Kennedy Onassis (July 28) and Hilary Swank (July 30).

Cancer (June 22-July 23): Cancers can be a trifle moody, it’s true. But with celebrations and soirees on the rise this month, mood shifts will likely be from good to ecstatic. This means it will be easier to roll with the punches and let go of elaborate expectations. Midmonth, you could stumble into a chance to score some easy cash and without packing heat! OK, it’s not enough to quit your day job and take early retirement but it might be enough to buy dinner and a round of drinks for you and an enchantingly sexy dinner companion.

Robert De Niro was born Aug. 17, 1943. He shares a birthday with Sean Penn, who was born in 1960.

Leo (July 24-August 23): Resist the urge to put things on your own timetable. Both at work and at play, deals and relationships evolve at their own pace, which may yield surprise benefits. So, just relax and trust that things will work out fine, maybe even better than you expected. Meanwhile, give in to cravings and don’t feel guilty about splurging on an expensive birthday gift for yourself. Relish summer pleasures as spontaneity and romance reign. Follow your intuition on the 6th, 15th and 24th.

Virgo (August 24-September 23): A friend or relative launches a monthlong complain-a-thon, but damn if you didn’t forget which channel it’s on. Oh well, guess you’ll just miss all the woe-is-me excitement. Don’t feel guilty about cutting back the time you spend with closet negheads – you know the ones. Just politely decline when they try to lure you in. Meanwhile, take a spontaneous road trip or wear that daring dress you bought. Summer is the perfect time to mix it up and turn a few heads. Be prepared for lots of attention from the opposite sex the week of the 14th.

Libra (September 24-October 23): Change is in the air and that’s a good thing. Having made a major decision, you are now on the path to new opportunities and an exciting phase of your life. If you encounter any snags, realize that bumps in the road are inevitable and keep on going. Ask for help if you need it – from time to time, even the craftiest femme fatale needs help hauling loot or bouncing ideas around. Even though you’re busy, make time to reward yourself with your favorite guilty pleasures. Patience prevails on the 12th; stand your ground on the 16th.

Lizabeth Scott, an actress with many film-noir credits, was born Sept. 29, 1922; she turns 90 this year.

Scorpio (October 24-November 22): Absence does indeed make the heart grow fonder so tap your inner ice-princess and don’t always be available for that tall, dark and handsome guy. Unless of course he’s tall, dark, handsome and filthy rich. In that case, you can be available at a moment’s notice, especially if he likes to go shopping and insists on taking you to fabulous restaurants. This month, the less you think about cash, the easier it will flow. Don’t sweat the details on the weekend of the 27th.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22): It’s tempting to tell a dithering friend what to do – take the money and run, for example. However, you may need to devote your energy to making a big decision in your own life. We often regret the things we don’t do more than anything else, but the bottom line is that only you know what’s best – listen to your head and your heart, then stick to your guns (or weapon of choice). Your imagination and prowess for problem solving come into the spotlight as you easily piece together the pieces to a puzzle at work. A sexy surprise awaits you on the 31st.

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): Is there a downside to dating younger men? Well, let’s see, compared with old dudes, they have more energy, nicer attitudes, crisper jokes, less baggage and sweeter dispositions. Oh, and way better (paunch-free) bodies. Nope, no downside there. Go on, enjoy your boy! Meanwhile, work projects proliferate, with one door after another opening and offering fulfillment. Your unique skills are in demand and clients are easy to please. A prediction you made several months ago comes true on the 10th.

Ida Lupino: Feb. 4, 1918-Aug. 3, 1995

Aquarius (January 21-February 19): “Darling, we have a three-day schedule. There’s no time to do anything but to do it.” So said Ida Lupino (Feb. 4, 1918-Aug. 3, 1995) to a Method actor. With typical Aquarian vision and verve, Lupino broke new ground in Golden Age Hollywood by working as an actress, writer, director and producer. Tap her can-do attitude this month when productivity and adhering to deadlines is key. Meanwhile, let yourself be playful in relationships. Glam up for the hell of it on Saturday nights. Life’s too short not to break out the Loubou’s once a week!

Pisces (February 20-March 20): Your independent streak surfaces even more than usual this month. It’s a wonderful quality and key to your success but find time to socialize – it will refuel your energy. As your love life picks up, your days and especially your nights will be downright magical. Relish the attention and have fun being a vamp; don’t rush into any serious conversations. Be sure to look the part of a seductress – sky-high heels perhaps? On a business matter, ask as many questions as you need to around the 19th.

Aries (March 21-April 20): Drama is divine, but tends to be best in small doses. If you’re a bit bored in a relationship, remember that an even keel is usually better than fireworks and fights, which tend to be more exhausting than exhilarating after a while. Enjoy the peace! On the other hand, if you’re the placid one and Man du Jour has a need to create drama just to feel normal, evaluate whether you want that in the long term. Meanwhile, your talents are recognized at work and your expertise is much in demand. Your strength and inner calm averts a crisis on the 25th.

Pam Grier was born May 26, 1949.

Taurus (April 21-May 21): Eager to start a new career chapter? Network like crazy, but remember that sophisticated networking is about connecting and contributing, not just calling in favors or asking for leads. In Vogue’s Book of Etiquette, 1948, you’ll find this handy advice: “If asked why one left a previous job, frankness is the best unless an explanation would involve a loss of proper reticence; for example, “I enjoyed the work, but I wanted a better job,” but not, “I had to leave because I wanted to go west to get a divorce.” Hmm, somehow, “Go west, get a divorce” strikes me an ideal title for a little tome on wicked women and complicated romance.

Gemini (May 22-June 21): You’ll experience a feeling of freedom and joy this month, perhaps just from feeling grateful for the little things like fire-engine red nail polish, fish-net stockings and full-fat ice cream. And be extra thankful for your beautiful, one-of-a-kind body – it was designed to be loved and cherished! Respond to what the moment requires and creativity will flow. Practice saying: “Lie down with your hands up.” This may serve you well since you’ll be spending more time in the yoga studio or gym. On the 18th, make sure your man knows you’re crazy about him.

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Honey, your May noir horoscope is here …

George Clooney

Clint Eastwood

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your May is full of sunny days and sexy nights. And happy birthday, Taurus and Gemini! A special shout-out and remembrances to Taurus icons George Clooney (May 6), David O. Selznick (May 10), Harvey Keitel (May 13), Cate Blanchett (May 14), Joseph Cotten (May 15), Debra Winger and Megan Fox (May 16), and James Stewart (May 20). Gemini charmers we love include Pam Grier (May 26), Annette Bening (May 29) and Clint Eastwood (May 31).

Taurus (April 21-May 21): This spring looks busy so don’t be surprised if you are the toast of the town. Make the most of it! Take forever to get ready and gaze in the mirror with utter fondess. Let others buy you champagne. As you socialize, you may meet the perfect person for your next heist or groundbreaking project. Indeed, flexibility and openmindedness will be key this month. You may also be at the end of a chapter in your life, which is good news all around. Be open to change (it is inevitable after all); your creativity and prosperity will flow. The 12th is a divine time for a little dare, especially in the romantic arena.

Marilyn Monroe (June 1, 1926 - Aug. 5, 1962)

Gemini (May 22-June 21): Having just completed a transformative peroid in your life, allow time to relish the achievement, hell, wallow in it for weeks, if you can. And with a birthday nearby, you have multiple reasons for celebrations and much to feel grateful for. If, in all the excitement, something slips your mind, don’t be too hard on yourself. It is very probably not the end of the world, unless you forgot to load your gun or fill the getaway car with gas. If you’ve planned a vaca or b’day getaway, do not take work with you. That defeats the whole purpose and you will return feeling drained instead of refreshed. Remember to say what you mean and mean what you say, especially around the 6th and 7th.

Natalie Wood (July 20, 1938 - Nov. 29, 1981)

Cancer (June 22-July 23): “At the time I wasn’t aware of the things I missed, so why should I think of them in retrospect? Everybody misses something or other,” said Natalie Wood, on being a child actor. Let your easy-breezy, typically philosophical Cancer nature guide you this month as you live in the moment and enjoy simple pleasures. You may be at a romantic impasse; if so, divert your energy and help a friend with a project – perhaps a chum needs assistance in crafting a scheme. With little effort, new and exciting work opportunities seem to fall in your lap. Around the 24th let go of a long-held expectation and make room for fresh joy.

Leo (July 24-August 23): You may be on the fence about attending an event or going to an appointment or interview because it will require a fair amount of energy on your part to make it. While additional effort for a femme fatale is usually best spent on the important things – false-eyelash application, fake tans and finding the perfect cocktail ring – in this case, it’s worth making an exception and going the extra mile. Thinking about a career change? Be practical, of course, but also consider whether the new line of work stirs your soul.

Jacqueline Bisset was born Sept. 13, 1944.

Virgo (August 24-September 23): Consider how you may sharpen your skills of judgment – not simply knee-jerk approvals or quick condemnations – but bringing calmness, clarity and resolve to your assessments. Then trust that you will forge ahead with intelligence, patience and your famous eye for detail. If, on the other hand, a decision about you is likely to be made, trust that the outcome will in some way lead you to the path you need to be on. Meanwhile, go out of your way to be nice to Man du Jour; you’ll both be glad you did. Be spontaneous around the 25th.

Libra (September 24-October 23): A person from your past claims to have made much progress in the areas of emotional maturity and spiritual growth. This is, of course, eminently possible. If you are curious and are still spending a lot of time pondering this person, it may be worth exploring your mutual feelings and examining old issues. (And need I remind you? Bright red lipstick is a must for a meetup.) But speaking of red, proceed with caution and pay attention to red flags. Then, whichever way you move forward, you will be clear and focused, not stuck in the past. An inspired idea of yours pays off at your workplace. Don’t let jealousy cloud your vision on the 16th.

Scorpio (October 24-November 22): It isn’t always easy to live the life of a daring femme fatale/leader of the pack. What with defying convention and bucking trends, and you may find yourself in need of new inspiration this month. Instead of struggling to find it; turn your brain off and rest. Or better yet, enjoy a change a scene with a last-minute trip. Fresh ideas will then find you as long as you relax and don’t try too hard. Just trust in your talent for brilliance, creativity and finding fall guys. As for amour, let your inner vixen be your guide. It’s springtime and, whether you’re in Paris or Peoria, it’s high time for romance. On the 30th, be extra gentle on yourself.

Frank Sinatra (Dec. 12, 1915 - May 14, 1998)

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22): May is the perfect time for a bit of spring cleaning, both literally and figuratively. Your elegant brain thrives in an orderly, clutter-free zone. As for your relationships, if attached, there may be some buried issues that need to be aired. Start on a positive note and avoid citing a comprehensive list of examples. You are trying to communicate, not build a case. If single, it may dawn on you that your slew of male friends may be keeping you single. Of course, you cherish the Marilyn Monroe/Frank Sinatra vibe you have with them, but hanging with them all the time might mean you are less likely to put yourself out there and seek serious romance.

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): While you possess an unusual balance of strength and sensitivity in your character, often the former defines your style of communication. In other words, you are full-on and fiery when it comes to speaking your mind. This is a wonderful trait but this month it may behoove you to try a slightly different approach. Experiment with the power of letting go. Let there be peaceful pauses when you chat with people; don’t feel the need to fill the conversation lulls. Allow your sensitivity to guide you and listen. You may be surprised at the enlightenment you gain. Your sense of humor spurs a friendship on the 25th.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19): “The modern tendency to accept, with no intention of returning, an invitation which sounds amusing, is a form of opportunism which, though practiced, is still very much criticized,” says Vogue’s Book of Etiquette, 1948. Not to worry. You’d be hard-pressed to find an Aquarian gal who isn’t terrific at throwing parties. Your hostess skills (planning, imagination, organization, charm) may be needed in a new context this month; perhaps a red-carpet event that needs to be pulled together at the last minute. Just throw on some teetering ankle straps and a dazzling choker, and you’ll have it under control in no time. Say no to others to say yes to yourself the week of the 14th.

Spike Lee was born March 20, 1957.

Pisces (February 20-March 20): Subtle and skilled communicator that you are, you will find the ideal solution to a sticky problem. Hint: It may be that a more-the-merrier approach trumps exclusivity when it comes to a trip or gathering this month. At work, however, the opposite may hold true and decision-making by committee will impede progress, so step up and call it as you see it. On the romantic front, you have issued a meeting request to the Universe so sit back and relax or better yet get up and go shopping while scheduling details are being finalized. You will just happen to look magnificent this month so don’t forget to flirt. Your way is the best way on the 14th – but isn’t that the case most every day?

Aries (March 21-April 20): Your life will be touched by decadent delight and a few sinful surprises (calories be damned!) this month. Appreciate it and have fun. At the same time, make sure you take a moment to look at the bigger picture and see an opportunity that beckons on the horizon. To be open to it, be in the moment and don’t listen to any fearful or negative internal chatter. Abandon old worries and don’t waste mental energy on second-guessing yourself. Oh and btw, romance awaits you, so make sure you have that smoldering gaze and sexy smile down.

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