Honey, your March noir horoscope is here …

Sharon Stone

Fate reigns supreme in film noir, but that doesn’t mean we don’t love us some zodiac fun. Hope your March is full of sexy lions, luscious lambs and lusty Irishmen. And happy birthday, Pisces and Aries! A special shout-out to Pisces lookers Javier Bardem (March 1), Daniel Craig (March 2), Jean Harlow (March 3), Rachel Weisz (March 7), Sharon Stone (March 10), Glenn Close and Bruce Willis (both March 19), Spike Lee (March 20) and Aries A-listers Reese Witherspoon (March 22), Joan Crawford (March 23) and Keira Knightley (March 26).

Jean Harlow (March 3, 1911 - June 7, 1937)

Pisces (February 20-March 20): The original platinum blonde Jean Harlow called things as she saw them, even about herself. As she put it: “I was not a born actress. No one knows it better than I. If I had any latent talent, I have had to work hard, listen carefully, do things over and over and then over again in order to bring it out.” Following in this famed Pisces’ footsteps, you will experience uncommon clarity in all areas of your life this month. It is an excellent time to make a major decision. Midmonth, help a pal see the humor in a challenging situation.

Aries (March 21-April 20): The Chinese say a happy person needs no reason to be happy. And if you are celebrating your birthday, you have extra cause for joy! If you have a romantic setback (a spat, perhaps, or trouble finding someone you actually want to date), don’t be glum. Just think of it as paving the way for a) a deeper bond with your lovah or b) finally meeting someone great. The point is to be open to life’s gifts, from Saks, Neiman Marcus, Henri Bendel or even from the little old universe. Meanwhile, you may be surprised when a work trip takes on an ample element of pleasure.

Taurus (April 21-May 21): Is there anything more important than looking glamorous? Well, maybe world peace and curing cancer but no matter how many worthy causes we support it’s just as important to nourish the soul with beauty. And if you find beauty in jewelry, cash, clothes and shoes, then so be it. Keep in mind that in addition to your accomplishments, you will be remembered for how well you treat people so give the benefit of the doubt, tip generously and be the first to smile. The 8th is an ideal time to take a small risk.

Gemini (May 22-June 21): Be ready to take charge this month, especially if you are embarking on an exciting adventure, such as a trip abroad. At the same time, try to approach things as a child would – you will learn more and feel more this way. Remember, nothing is written. It is up to you to guide the pen and draft the future. If, however, you are facing a deadline and nothing is written, best to get scribbling!  Fake it till you make it on the 25th.

Perhaps the greatest noir writer of all: Chicago-born Raymond Chandler (July 23, 1888 - March 26, 1959)

Cancer (June 22-July 23): You have an innate ability to appreciate nuance; be patient with those who aren’t so blessed. Let sass and sarcasm flow on the 6th, 17th, 30th and 31st (like that will be hard). A seemingly trivial conversation with a stranger midmonth may have deep significance. On the romantic front, things sizzle, then take a serious turn. Also, find a few days to enjoy the art of doing nothing. It’s quite lovely.

Leo (July 24-August 23): A friend who typically favors older guys may need prodding to be open to the joys of younger men and, as an accomplished cougar, you may need to lead by example. Aaah, the sacrifices we make for friends. At work, you might find yourself swooping in to save your boss this month. Though he or she may appreciate this, don’t make a habit of saving every day unless you get a nice dollop of recognition or, better yet, a roll of cold, hard cash! Never say never on the 17th.

Virgo (August 24-September 23): Va-va voom hair for no particular reason? A sip of champagne just because? Silly question. You don’t need a special occasion to indulge yourself. Besides, you may need a little distraction as you await the outcome of a decision; trust that it will work out for the best. If planning a St. Patty’s Day party, don’t stress. Remember, an Irish seven-course meal is easy to prepare. Who couldn’t rustle up a six-pack and a potato? Be the bigger person the weekend of the 24th.

Libra (September 24-October 23): You may be privy to confidential information this month and be tempted to share it. Think carefully, though, before repeating. Once the cat’s out of the bag, it will be demanding food and asking where the litter box is. At work, your unique combination of creativity, sensitivity and diplomacy wins you extra attention. Make time to appreciate pleasures, whether simple or wildly extravagant. Actually, probably best to go for the latter. Killer heels are just the ticket on the weekend of the 18th.

Actress and inventor Hedy Lamarr (Nov. 9, 1913-Jan. 19, 2000)

Scorpio (October 24-November 22): Don’t settle for second best in your love life. Remember that real men don’t love a million different women, they love one woman a million different ways. (It’s another story for women, of course, but it’s still a nice sentiment.) Trying to kick a bad habit? Realize that it may be one of the most difficult things you ever do. If it happens to be smoking, when you feel the urge to light up, aside from the health issues, know that with each puff, you are making a bunch of rich, old, fat white guys fatter and richer on your dime. Indulge your wild side on the 21st.

Sagittarius (November 23-December 22): A new development at work may not be to your liking. If speaking now or forever holding your peace are not appealing options, dust off your resume and start to circulate. But don’t think of it as job hunting. Think of it as personal research. True, you may find that there is nothing out there, in which case you will likely find fresh gratitude and appreciation for what you have. On the other hand, knowledge is power and you might uncover a new opportunity that’s just right for your high standards and stellar talent. Flirt like crazy on the 3rd, 9th, 19th and 25th. Oh, and then maybe a bit more on the 28th and 31st.

Archibald Leach a.k.a. Cary Grant (Jan. 18, 1904 - Nov. 29, 1986)

Capricorn (December 23-January 20): “Adroit hosts will draw the best out of each guest, and present him in the best and most interesting light to others,” says Vogue’s Book of Etiquette, 1948, in a chapter on entertaining. Apt advice whether you are throwing a dinner party, running a department or playing matchmaker. And let’s face it, Caps get called on to do all those things and more, so mighty are their powers of planning and organization. Around the 10th, you may make a leap of faith in your love life.

Aquarius (January 21-February 19): Your knack for solving thorny problems comes in handy with a client or colleague the week of the 5th. Make a point of praising those who work for you and, while you’re at it, a dear friend could use a compliment (hell, make it a gush-fest) as well. Find a fun way to surprise your man – have you ever sent him flowers or left a little gift on his pillow? If you don’t have a Man Du Jour, put yourself out there consistently; nothing ventured, nothing gained. Enjoy your ingénue moment on the 24th.

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